Category Archives: stories

the early life of a comedic genius*

owning it, questionable, stories, true

I don’t exactly think I’m a funny person, but people often laugh at things I say. I can never tell if people are laughing because it’s funny, though, or if they pity me. Such is the life of a person with a strange sense of self-esteem. There’s no consistency in it. Some days, I feel pretty full of myself; other days, I’m utterly paranoid, convinced that nobody likes me everybody hates me something something worms. Anyway, this post isn’t about me, it’s about me.

Continue reading the early life of a comedic genius* →

crap salad (probably NSFW)

anticlimactic, food, nsfw, questionable, stories, true

So the other night, I came home from work and promptly fell asleep on the couch for about 90 minutes. As one does. By the time I woke up, it was nearly 7:30pm, and neither mom nor I had eaten dinner, nor did we have any ideas about what to eat other than we knew we needed to eat. So we began looking through the cupboards and the pantry to see what we could make, which turned up bupkis unless we wanted to eat boxed macaroni cheese, which no. So we did the natural thing: we sat on the couch for another half-hour and did nothing about putting food in our faces until mom turned to me and said, “wanna go to McDonald’s and get some chickie nuggets?” and I was, surprisingly, all like “DEAR GOD YES.” so we went to McDonald’s. Continue reading crap salad (probably NSFW) →