yoga toes, before the storm

[post updated 23 april 2020]

I’ve started doing yoga in the morning, right after waking up, and in the evening, right before bed. It’s early to tell if it’s useful, but there have been some benefits. Mostly, I feel taller. This is crucial to someone who is a mere 5’2″. But I’ve noticed an improvement in my posture, deeper breathing, and a greater desire to take pictures of my toes after the routine. I’ve also, in the mornings, been setting my intention for the day. How this happens for me is I let my mind go blank and allow the first word that comes to mind be the intention. The other day, it was “gratitude,” so I made sure to be particularly thankful in every interaction.

Today, the word that floated up into my brain was “calm.” I breathed it in and exhaled it throughout the morning stretches. I set it in my heart. Then I took the above picture, because that’s what you do these days if anyone is to believe you are doing what you say you are doing. Plus, check out those monkey toes. Hilarious. The next steps were to gather clothes, have a bath, make a smoothie, and go to work. What actually happened was a test.

Putting together an outfit for the day should have been simple. For some reason, however, I could not find the shirt I wanted to wear, nor a pair of matching socks. The bath was the most uncomplicated part of the day, to be honest. Making a smoothie should have been, but I changed the recipe based on what was at hand. At first, too much ice. Then a little too much milk. Since I was losing time, I called it fine enough, packed up and headed out to work. On the road, I realized there was no way I would be on time, and had to make the embarrassing call to my boss to bear the bad news.

All the while, I felt… calm, oddly enough. Most days, I would have been pissed, at myself, at the idiot driving slow in the left hand lane, at the damn blender for not getting all the ice blitzed, at everything. But not today. I sauntered into work, clutching my drink, bag and backpack on arm and back. Once I got settled in at my desk, the day was non-stop. Orders, requests, urgent requests, phone call after phone call after phone call, all asking for the same thing that we don’t have. On my first break, I drank part of my smoothie and declared it to be “shit,” so I tried to fancy it up with some honey and sunflower butter. Experiment failed. At lunch, I dumped the rest of the drink down the drain, went down to the coolers, found a salad and ate about two bites before going back to work.

Emails. Phone calls. More phone calls. Emails. A stack of orders 36 pages high. More emails. Another phone call. A shipment that’s been sitting for a week and we can’t send because the customer provided the wrong information to make a delivery appointment. Argh. By far, the most hectic day in the past two weeks. Everything happening at once. Everyone asking for something at once. I lost myself in the work, staying calm throughout. Deep breaths. Sit up straight. Pick up the phone.

Sidebar… I had a small psychic intuitive moment today. You can believe it or not, but what happened was this: a woman called in to check the status of her order. As she gave me the order number, I wrote down the last three digits before she said them. 831. In the moment, it didn’t fully register. Just a “huh, that’s weird” before going on to assist her. After the call, I took a moment to think about what had happened. Had this been a customer that I helped often, with the same order number, I wouldn’t have considered it strange. However, this was not a regular caller. I don’t recall ever speaking to her, and I take notes on every call in case I have to go back and research.

I’ve since looked up the number 831 to see if there might be any significance. As usual with these sorts of things, it’s a little all over the place. The common thread among the many interpretations is that it means a new cycle has begun. I connect this to starting the morning and evening yoga routines. I’m trying to take better care of myself in a way that doesn’t involve a ton of money or props or even time. I’m trying to change my eating habits. I’m trying to get a better night of sleep. I’m actually even… you might want to sit down for this… trying to drink less alcohol. Whoa. A new cycle, indeed.**

Back to work. I took my last break at about 4pm, realizing that I hadn’t even eaten the rest of the salad I bought two hours prior, so I quickly ate it and went back to the grind. Two hours later, work was over. All the while… calm! Me, calm. The royalty of temper tantrums, calm! Can you believe it… then to cap it all off, as I was leaving, my co-worker came around the corner and scared the ever-loving shit out of me. I thought my heart was going to stop, and instinctively I shouted out, “don’t DO that!” while laughing. It felt like all the stress that should have been boiling in my veins throughout the day coalesced into a pinpoint in the center of my chest. It grew into a bubble that expanded and burst and an incredible wave of relief flowed out.

So what was the real intention of today? I believe it was a test. Would I be able to truly maintain a sense of calm when that word presented itself to me this morning? Looking back, yes, I was. I feel exhausted, proud, shaken, amused. I look forward to evening yoga to reflect and meditate further. I wonder about the intuitive moment today, and will it happen again? But most of all, I feel calm.

** UPDATE: when I wrote this post, I had thought the number was 831. When I checked my call notes this morning, it was in fact 631. So, I looked up 631 in numerology, and the majority of interpretations were about maintaining a positive attitude about yourself, your life, your future; about having support from spiritual guardians and giving your worries and fears over to them; about having the right mindset and being mindful of others. This last point struck me as the most significant given yesterday’s events. Also, a friend pointed out that misremembering the number doesn’t mean that 831 wasn’t significant and that it still might be noteworthy because “it was supposed to lead you to looking up [the significance of] 831 and claiming your new cycle.” Thanks, Jen… I think you’re right on this one. Also, a nod to my fellow traveler Carol for pointing out that this intuitive moment was because I was plugged in. I think if you let yourself open up to the universe, the universe can open itself to you, even if you aren’t consciously doing it. In fact, it’s best not to be conscious about it. Just… be…