I don’t know what retrospectus means, I just wanted to use it in a title.

Anyway, allow me to recap the events of 23 – 25 March 2013, in which 50 million people converged on Cincinnati, Ohio, to stand in line for days upon end to meet this guy, who is probably really charming and clean-smelling:

Christ, what an asshole.

JUST KIDDING EVERYONE NORMAN REEDUS IS REALLY A COOL DUDE GET OFF MY DICK SHEESH.

When I say that literally everyone in the world came to HHW to meet Norman “Nice Chap” Reedus, I’m only slightly exaggerating. The people who didn’t come to see Norman “The Gentleman” Reedus came to see his teevee brother and recently diseased Michael “Pleasantries” Rooker, despite the fact that the World’s Most Cinematographer was in attendance as well:

Dean Cundey with your best friend (me! that’s me.)

I cannot believe how few people were at his table. I mean, really. This guy probably cinematographed your favorite movie, and this is how you treat him? Well, sucks to you, fans of Norman “Firm Handshake” Reedus. You missed out, probably when you were standing in line from the day you were born. TFB.

In addition to meeting John Carpenter and Dean Cundey, there were drunken shenanigans, a rock and roll concert with burlesque dancin’ ladies, and a boss-as-fuck pool party which involved water slides on repeat until I busted my ass coming down one and decided to call it a night. Also, this photo happened at said pool party:

Tony Todd and some white chick (me! that’s me.)

That’s right. Candyman. And I survived. So fuck you.

There were a million other things that happened, but you don’t have time for that, and besides, you’re probably not even reading this because you’re distracted by the sheer beauty of this wonderful human being:

Norman “Friend” Reedus.

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NOTE: this picture of Norman “Ghandi” Reedus is from HHW 2011. No, I did not stand in line to meet him this year, because honestly now.